The Virtual Bitch

Love This !!

2008-10-22T21:19:00.000-04:00

Ok, I admit I"m totally hooked on Bravo reality shows.

This Goes Against Everything I Stand for ...

2008-10-13T13:56:00.004-04:00

but I freaking love this song. And I HATE all things country (blame my ex )!! Perhaps it's HWJr that gets to me. Enjoy......I promise you can't stop singing the hook.

Dear Tech Support - Installing a Husband

2008-10-02T19:45:00.000-04:00

INSTALLING A HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as
o NASCAR 6.0,
o NFL 5.1 and
o Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

· Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate.

DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind,
· Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
· If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0-program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.. We recommend
Cooking 3.0 and
Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck Babe!

Tech Support

This Kills Me !

2008-09-30T09:43:00.001-04:00

If you saw the real interview...you will really appreciate this one !!

Great 2008 Olympic Comments

2008-08-29T09:04:00.000-04:00

Here are the top comments made by NBC sports commentators during the Olympics that they would like to take back:
....
1 . Weight-lifting commentator: 'This is Gregorieva from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was
amazing.'
.....
2. Dressage commentator: 'This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.'
....
3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: 'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.'
....
4. Boxing Analyst: 'Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.'
.....
5. Softball announcer: 'If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.'
....
6. Basketball analyst: 'He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.'
.....
7. At the rowing medal ceremony: 'Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.'
....
8. Soccer commentator: 'Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field.'

She's waited on me before !!

2008-08-19T12:34:00.000-04:00

My First Fantasy Draft

2008-08-05T08:35:00.001-04:00

I drafted my first fantasy team last Thursday night. It's a 10 player league, QB, 3 WRs, 2 RBs, W/T, W/R, TE , K, D. It was a random draft and I had second pick. This year I didn't feel too warm and fuzzy about a second round pick because the stud RBs ( LT & AP ) this year - well, I have concerns about both. I don't see the separation I've seen in recent years. But with a serpentine draft...what else can you do but grab a stud. It's a long freakin time until you draft again. So this is how I faired:

QB - Ben Roethlisberger
RB - Adrian Peterson
RB - Fred Taylor ( this isn't a homer thing although I do love Freddie T)
WR - Andre Johnson
WR - Steve Smith ( asshole got suspended for the first two games)
WR - Hines Ward
TE - Dallas Clark
W/T - Anthony Gonzalez
W/R - Julius Jones
K - Neil Rackers
D - Green Bay

Bench
David Gerrard
Matt Forte
Warrick Dunn
Algae Crumpler
Devin Hester
Arnez Battle
Dennis Northcut
Arizona

All in all, I"m pretty happy with this team. Only 3 people showed for this draft so with all the autopicks it went fast and predictable. But I think I can work with this.

A Power Ranking

2008-08-01T18:12:00.000-04:00

I think this is an amusing blog and has some interesting ideas. Today they've posted their 1-15 Power Ranking. I agree with the majority of it but the Titans @ #5. WTF? Did they see Vince Young play last year? ( maybe I'm still pissed off that her got rookie of the year over Maurice Jones-Drew ). But Vince aside, their defense took a hit in the offseason. Number 5? No Way.

See the Power Ranking

Warming Up Training

2008-08-01T14:08:00.001-04:00

Warming Up
Originally uploaded by The Virtual Bitch

Ok, I got flickr working

Go me !!

Killer Smile

2008-08-01T12:55:00.002-04:00

My daughter got her braces off Weds. Every time I cry about how broke I am, I'm going to look at that 6K smile and realize it was worth every coupon I'm clipping !!

It's Time !!!!!!

2008-08-01T12:36:00.004-04:00

Yes, it's THAT time again. My 5 month depression is over and FOOTBALL is back, baby!!!! I've been out to my first training camp practice and here are some photos and a vid. If I can ever figure out how to add a slide show from my Flickr account - look for it in the sidebar.

I'm all hyped about the Jags this year. Yes, we've already had setbacks with Jerry Porter, Reggie Williams and Brad Meester ( C) all headed to Bama' for surgery but we're deep and I have beginning of the season optimism going on so I"m not down about it yet.

I'm also a Fantasy Football fanatic. I had my first draft last night and as soon as I can review my picks...I'll be posting them here.

Go Jags!

The Way It Should Be!!

2008-08-01T11:33:00.001-04:00

Click On The Video To Play.

More Music

2008-06-17T11:05:00.003-04:00

I will admit I have been cringing every time my daughter sings " I kissed a girl" but to be fair I checked out Katy Perry's new CD "One of the Boys". I"m especially diggin' "If You Can Afford Me"

New Vagina Music Chick

2008-06-15T08:31:00.005-04:00

I saw this singer on my local Saturday morning news show. She described herself as a "dirty rock n roll" singer but from the song she sang on the show and the vids I've found on you tube, it sounds like vagina music to me. In fact, she reminds me of Anna Nallick.

So here is Cory Yarckin ( man she needs a stage name !)

Get Outta Here !

2008-06-13T15:36:00.000-04:00

Ya have to be pretty smart to read my blog !

Oh Yeah !

I want this ...

2008-06-12T14:13:00.003-04:00

It appeals to all aspects of my geekiness :) It's Livescribe's Pulse Smart Pen. Check it out here.

I could so be a Gadget Geek

Jakob Dylan..mmmmmmmm

2008-06-12T14:00:00.004-04:00

I saw JD on Letterman last night. He's got a new solo CD out!! No one told me!!! I"m listening to it on Rhapsody right now. If you are expecting a Wallflowers sound, you'll be disappointed. This is more "folksy"

Rhapsody review: With the Wallflowers on hiatus, singer-songwriter Jakob Dylan strikes out on his own. Seeing Things, a set of simple acoustic country folk songs, benefits from a far less cluttered instrumental setup than his Wallflowers days. Recalling his dad's bent imagery, some of the playfulness of John Prine, Tom Waits' interest in lost characters and Bruce Springsteen's quieter moments, Dylan seems eager (and able) to move out from the shadow of both his daunting lineage and the overhyped packaging of the earlier part of his career.

I like it. I've always loved his voice...reminds me of someone special. I'm especially diggin' "Evil is Alive and Well"

Here's one off the new album

Enjoy :)

I know, I know...

2008-06-08T11:16:00.002-04:00

When I started blogging a few weeks ago I had all these great plans for getting back to my art and redesigning virtualbitch. In my defense, I've been very busy, I had company ( smiles) and I've had a lot of web design stuff to do at work.

I got a call from a client who ( and I am not exaggerating ) has been mulling around a web redesign for over a year. Now it seems they have a big new client meeting next Thursday and need a new web site asap. So I've worked for two days on this. I'm pleased with it. I liked it better with a white bg ( I'm a true lover of white space) but the client wanted gray. A huge thank you to Andy for all his help :) I must say I am rather proud that I did the CSS all by myself...no cheats, no tables thrown in out of desperation. I think I'm finally getting the hang of it!!!

I'm having a "Go Me" moment

-beams

p.s. i did start a new layout for vb but I"m on the fence about it. I don't think I'm as "dark" as I used to be. Damn middleage!!

A Classic

2008-06-07T15:28:00.003-04:00

This is from the marquee of a local strip bar. The place is truly a dump but apparently they have some standards!

( i bet she was the smart one too)

Help, I Have A Teenager!: Meeting James

2008-06-06T22:24:00.001-04:00

Ok, I've been searching blogs and I found this

Help, I Have A Teenager!: Meeting James

Man, I can't wait to read the rest !!

Find the Cheapest Gas in Your Area

2008-06-06T12:59:00.002-04:00

A friend sent me this link and it's pretty cool. Just type in your zip code and it will tell you where the cheapest gas is in your area.

Check it out here

Another Technology Hard On !!

2008-06-06T08:12:00.002-04:00

Andy showed me this

I haven't even learned CS3 yet !! Of course, I should have seen this coming since I just shelled out $60 for the CS3 Bible.

This Makes Me Moisty !!

2008-06-02T20:59:00.001-04:00

Check this shit out

Even if Vista is a bomb, I'm still a microslut !

Ain't Nothing Like the Real Thing, Baby....

2008-06-02T20:52:00.003-04:00

I haven't kept this up for the last week because Andy was here for four days.

All I can say is....

God Damn !!

We're just perfect.

Let's Get It Started

2008-06-02T20:47:00.003-04:00

After months of football withdrawal, OTAs have started!! YAY. Minicamp for the Jaguars is this weekend ( if it's not a gazillion degrees I'll be there Saturday am) and then the dreaded dead zone until training camp starts in July. I've been a bit concerned about Paul Spicer's hold out especially after seeing this on the net

But he's back at OTAs so I"m hopeful everything will work out from here on.

Go Jags !!!!!

Gettin...

2008-05-25T20:29:00.002-04:00

my Pearl Jam on while I work. God, I loved the 90s and I really miss Grungeville. I hate these lyric thingy videos and I"m not entirely sure why people do them but this was the best sound quality I could find. I really wanted to post Corduroy but couldn't find anything reasonably decent.

Oldie but a Goodie

2008-05-25T16:43:00.005-04:00

I was looking at my DA gallery with Andy today. I'd forgotten how much I love this image. I need to get back to this.

light into dark by ~introspect on deviant ART

The Little Things

2008-05-25T09:41:00.003-04:00

Parenting is never easy. I'm finding the "teenage" period to be especially difficult. We're only 5 months into thirteen and I'm already dreaming about winning the lottery so I can afford a lovely all-girls swiss boarding school. The past two weeks have been especially trying.

As I sit here enjoying my lazy Sunday morning ( she's still asleep ), it just dawned on me that I'm listening to music she turned me onto.

I need to be more appreciative of the things we can share rather than dwelling on the turmoil.

Thanks Katie :)

New Look

2008-05-24T13:09:00.004-04:00

I feel like a teenage girl again!! I've been surfing templates to change the page layout. So many to choose from, of course once I narrowed it down to no naked chicks, movie themes, cartoon characters or Hannah Montana it significantly limited my choices ( there was an entire emo section which I found particularly disturbing but I won't say more for fear of going into my " the twenty somethings" rant). I finally settled on this. It's dark-ish but doesn't imply any deep seeded issues.

I think I may have opened a can of worms because I can't just c/p a new template in and be done with it. Nope, I have to look at the code. So now I'll be driven to see if I can create my own layout...sigh. I do have some kick ass images I've done ( see them here , if you've never checked out Deviant Art, take the time, there are some amazing artists ) that I would love to do some layouts around. Alas, it will have to wait because I really want to revamp my site first. I really have no idea what I want to do to my site but something will come.

5 days :)

Time To Get Movin'

2008-05-23T16:53:00.003-04:00

I've decided to pick this site back up again. I've been doing a lot of sites for work lately so I"m inspired. Lord, knows how long this will last but for now I"m motivated. I want to work on my liquid layout skillz! Project VII here I come!!

Besides I'm not spending nearly enough time at my PC :)

Love This

2008-05-23T16:42:00.000-04:00

A cool thing & it's free

2007-09-28T20:47:00.000-04:00

Those who know me know how I feel about coffee. I'm all about some free coffee. Enjoy!!

The Time has Come....

2007-09-14T12:48:00.000-04:00

Ok, I've finally done it and started a blog. God help you all!! For years, I resisted blogging. I know it's cool and hip and all that shit but frankly sometimes the thoughts rolling around in my head scare the hell out of me so I wasn't sure the general public was quite ready for it. However, recently I have taken a beating in someone else's blog that pushed me into opening an account.

I do not promise any consistency, no regular posts and I will try to keep the sarcasm down to a minimum. That said...read at your own risk and if you don't like it... just hit the X.